Friday, December 29, 2006

2006-12-26, 27 and 28

After the extremely reviving day of rest which Jim and I took on Christmas Day, we arose on the 26th ready to welcome visitors. My brother Jim Rueckert, his wife, Kai, and his son, Fluke, arrived first, in the late afternoon. Fluke is eight and English is very much his second language, as both he and Kai are Thai. Jim and Kai have been married almost two years now, but due to difficulties with the Immigration and naturalization Service, it took him the first year of their marriage to bring Kai to America and it has taken most of the rest of the time to bring Fluke – his name is pronounced Folk – to join him.

Next to arrive were my cousin, Carlos Rueckert, his wife, Flora and their child, Naira, who just turned three. Carlos grew up in Spain and Flora grew up in Peru, so that whole branch of the family lives in Spanish. We got everyone settled in, discovering that in both families, the child sleeps with the parents, which gives us an extra guest room to offer the third branch of the family tree if one of them decides to stay over here instead of at the Brown Hotel, where the Craver-Rueckert branch has a suite.

My brother Tommy Rueckert, his wife, Mary Craver-Rueckert and their three children, Rosie, E. J. and Ted, arrived the next day, stopping at their hotel first to get settled in and bathed and then coming here for supper. Naturally, with kids and cats and news to catch up on, it was a madhouse, but a very good sort of family bedlam, with lots of love.

The group has shopped and has wandered around downtown near the Belvedere, which overlooks the Ohio River, and taken in the Muhammad Ali Museum and the Science and Natural History Museum. They intended to go to the Louisville Zoo also, a most worthy menagerie, but in the end decided to have a leisurely time of it and goof off. We did not even hear from the Craver-Rueckert crew until suppertime on the 28th.

We have enjoyed good suppers together, with the clans gathered at the end of the days, eating the good food which Gary and Jim cooked ahead. Last night after our big meal we planned out the subjective “Christmas Day” for our tribe, which will take place tomorrow, December 29th. We plan to gather by 10 AM – a goal hopefully attainable by my sleep-loving brothers and cousin – and open presents until about 2 PM, at which time we will have the pre-prepared feast of turkey, dressing, gravy and all the trimmings. Any presents unopened by then will be opened after lunch and then the family will dissolve into that Christmas Day somnolence in which new toys are examined and used, gift books are scanned and the very young and the oldsters like myself find themselves taking small walks and napping.

Later in the evening, Kai will make a Thai supper for us! That should top off our Christmas celebration well. Tommy and I had planned to do some singing for the family, but I got so weary that I fell sleep in my chair, and so the rehearsal was called off! I imagine we will sing, though, as the whole family is musical.

In the midst of all the comings and goings, for both days I have worked as I could at catching up with e-mail. Ian and I discussed at least a dozen topics ranging from the Book of Days project to the Don Elkins niche we are readying for placement on site to PayPal work – we would like to establish a PayPal feature permanently on site but have run into repeated difficulties with software details – to the Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues to the possibility of offering audio CDs through the site for a small fee.

I sent everyone on the Board plus Steve Moffitt a big thank you for their good work during the Annual Meeting of L/L Research. It was good to try to stretch ourselves beyond the Mom-and-Pop store we have run for decades. Jim and I need a Board more and more, as the site and the work grow. Asking for help is the first step.

I sent those people, plus Bill H and Jean-Claude K, the Minutes of that meeting and asked them all to continue to ponder the issue of developing a stable income stream for L/L Research. This will undoubtedly be years in coming, unless one of the books I am working on turns out to be a mainstream best seller – something that has never happened to me or to our group! Yet I know a lot of folks value the material and want to see it remain available. I know in the end, this will work out perfectly. We have always had just enough to move forward as spirit has called us.

I spent hours tapping away at personal e-mail. I must have answered a dozen Maine Reports from Rick C, my buddy since college. He and his wife are working on organic farming up there and run into many of the same issues we do at Avalon, so it is always fun to compare notes. Also, Rick is remastering our tapes into CDs, using his considerable skills on our behalf.

Many people had written in to say “Noel” and I responded to folks such as Sue S., Dave C., Dana R, Sandie S, Michelle M., Linda W-P and Dianne S. such work leaves me cradled in love and affection. Our friends are the best.

When I wasn’t working on e-mail, I was snoozing. The heavy, almost drugged feeling – I guess from the anemia – continues to make my eyes droop shut at the most inconvenient times. Like morning, noon and night! At one point this afternoon, my brother Jim was snoozing in one chair and I in another. Now that’s the perky group we know so well! The snoozing Rueckerts! Let’s face it – the whole family is resting up and enjoying their vacation here in the best way possible.

Mick’s and my Morning Offerings are being done upstairs so as not to disrupt the even tenor of the rest of the clan’s day, as are the Gaia Meditations.

The Mick and I even found a time when every soul in the house was gone on trips out to shop or visit, and had a lovely, lazy, sensual romantic tryst. What an unexpected pleasure! Our independent family has not at all swamped us with togetherness as I was concerned might occur. Their rhythms of coming and going are easy and spontaneous and I know everyone is having a great time.

The kittens have not fared that well with the company, especially Chloe. They are used to the quiet ways of Mick, Gary and me. Naturally, families with kids are going to be noisier. And the kids come to the cats and want to play, whereas our cats are used to initiating contact with us when they are feeling affectionate. The D Man is a cool cat and simply scoots away but poor Chloe takes to growling from time to time, over-stimulated by too much attention and noise. Pickwick, on the other hand, is a past master at having lots of guests in the house. He burrows under a quilt in one of the bedrooms and does just fine ignoring the situation!

The Christmas tree is almost hidden under its burden of presents now. With thirteen in the house exchanging gifts, the present-opening will take a while tomorrow, as our family does not attack the presents willy-nilly. Heavens, no! We open one present at a time, starting with the youngest person and going through the age groups to the oldest person, which is I, the matriarch now at 63. My brother, Jim, is 60; Mick is 59. Tommy is next and then Mary, Carlos, Flora, Kai, Rosie, Ted, E. J., Fluke and finally Naira. Gary may be here for the great unwrapping too – he is back from Ohio but spending some time with Valerie and here daughter, Ocean, helping Valerie move through her own Christmas schedule. Or he may pick up a shift at Cracker Barrel.

‘Tis the season, subjectively, at the Rueckert’s! Holly, ivy and Merry Christmas to you all from Camelot and our loving, obstreperous clan!

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

2006-12-24 and 25

Christmas Eve saw Jim and me doing a thousand small things as we finalized preparations for having he Rueckert clan’s Christmas Gathering here. After Morning Offering Jim worked on changing the upstairs toilet seat and I found linens for all our coming guests. By lunchtime we were satisfied that all was in readiness.

In the afternoon we took time out to have a luxurious nap together and then Jim was working in the garage, cleaning his mowers with 409 and orange-based de-greaser while I greeted Carmen, who had come for a visit. We enjoyed conversation until Jim came in from his chores. We ordered out pizza and watched the latest Mission Impossible movie together. It was humorous to me that we stopped for the Gaia Meditation in the midst of the most horrific action scenes! With our culture being so violent, it is clear that peace is not of this world. But we want to bring it on into this world – truly, we do.

Soon the movie was over and we went to St. Luke’s, where Mick and Carmen sat in the back and I sang in the chancel. It was a most satisfactory Christmas Eve service and quite put me into that mental place where I “know” and feel that Christmas is here, or as the Evergreen Liquor store sign has it, “Merry Christams”! Though members of the choir were joking about Festivus poles, we at Camelot are awash in Christmas lights on our tree and house. The whole house is outlined with them, and when we turn the lights on, our little bungalow looks like a gingerbread house.

On Christmas Morning, after Morning Offering, Mick and I opened our presents to each other. They are modest this year, as we would like to treat ourselves to a new DVD/VHS player in my bedroom. Our technology is ancient up there, with a very old videocassette player limping along, unable to read half our tapes. We had a good Christmas even without having gotten our mutual big gift yet.

I got Mick four new pairs of black casual pants, made like jeans but in nicer material, so that he can finally retire the pants he’s been wearing this past year. Those have flaps on the back pockets, and finally we have gotten him out of those. Mick promises only to use the flapped pants for work. They will not last long with Mick doing his heavy outdoor work, and I will be grateful to see the last of them! It is funny to see what tiny little things, like pocket flaps sticking out, will aggravate me. Mick also got a dozen new bandanas. He uses them for work, and likes the colorful hankies rather than the traditional white ones.

I received a new back-rubbing vibrator shaped like a four-legged spider. The body of the massager fits in the palm and the rounded knobs at the ends of the “legs” massage an area with a circumference of about four inches. Jim tried it on my always-sore back and it felt grand.

He also gave me a wind-up flashlight/radio/alarm clock. It does not depend on any plug-in or battery technology. It is a clever gadget and the next time the power goes out, which it will, inevitably in this forested environment, I will be all set. And we gave each other many CDs, as our old favorites are still making music! We look forward to hearing some new sounds from Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, Steve Earle, Eric Clapton and several other good old bands. These guys are around our age and have been gracing us with solid rock and roll for many decades. I am so glad they are still inspired to make music.

And we opened presents from many friends and well-wishers from all over the world. One gift I thought was especially lovely was a little book of some of St. Francis of Assisi’s sayings, with beautiful calligraphy and illuminations, which Barbara B. sent.

After clearing away the acres of torn gift wrap and storing the now-empty gift boxes for re-use, we enjoyed a leisurely lunch while watching Pirates of the Caribbean – Dead Man’s Chest. We snoozed reputedly throughout this rousing adventure and decided it would be good timing to get a bath and a nap afterwards. This we did, adding a romantic tryst into the mix.

When we awoke, it was dark! It was a grand nap! We came downstairs to enjoy supper and the Gaia Meditation, ending our day as we usually do, snuggling with the kitty cats. They also had received presents, a catnip toy for each cat, and these were a terrific hit, affording us much watching pleasure as all three cats wrestled and snuggled with their “mice”. It was a delightful, if unusually solitary, Christmas for us. We are now rested up for the coming onslaught!

Sunday, December 24, 2006


After Morning Offering, Jim and I had a cooking session together, making the last of the dishes for the Rueckert Christmas family gathering. We agreed that tomorrow, when the last of these dishes are solidly frozen, we will “stack” the freezer with them, so that we can more easily get our meals together during the visit itself. We felt as though we were caterers, hired to provide for a house party! When the families gather, we also can relax and enjoy the party.

Of course, there are salad dishes we shall need to prepare at the time of those meals. You really cannot freeze a salad!

Jim left to accomplish some errands about halfway through the last job, making two batches of cookies, and I finished those up and packaged them for storage, then cleaned up the kitchen, completing the job just as Jim came home with a fast-food treat for lunch. We both reflected on how good it feels to be ready at last. There is a good bit to do with any Christmastide – cards and presents to wrap and mail to those far away, and gifts to wrap for those who are near. When you add hosting a family gathering, we found this year, you add a whole next level of challenge. Whew! And Hurrah!

By the time we cleared lunch away, it was close to 2:30, as we had a late lunch. Jim had told me that he had no idea what the financial report was, since for the first time, this year, we have abandoned paper ledgers for L/L Research and are relying solely on QuickBooks. So I sat down to try to wrest some information from the QuickBooks software. I got close enough for the meeting! It was not a complete job, however. I also finalized the agenda and printed that, too, out so that Morris H, our vice president, Jim and I all had copies. I sent the information by e-mail to the other board members and also to Steve M, whose good advice has impressed me in other areas.

We had Ian J, Steve M, Steve T, Roman V, Morris H, Jim and I for the discussion. It was the largest number of people we have had involved in these annual meetings, ever. Usually it is a pro forma event with only Morris, Jim and I being present. However I wanted to encourage an initiative among the Board members to look at ways we can be more fiscally responsible. At present, even with donations from very generous people who love our work and donate year after year, we do not raise enough money to fund L/L Research’s activities. Always before, this was of no big concern, because Jim and I would make up the difference, and our expenses were not so great. This year we have added staff, and that is a cost of about $1600.00 per month. This more than doubles our expenses of previous years.

I doubt that there is any way to get smaller! More people are visiting the site each year. Indeed, Ian said the growth rate has been about 10% per year. I was amazed at the level of downloads we have these days. There are thousands of pages being printed out daily from our site. This is wonderful indeed. It does bring an ever higher volume of e-mail in the Inbox and orders coming in which need to be filled. I am so grateful to be able to give that work to Gary, the best admin in the known world, and Pam, the best bookkeeper around.

The Board members agreed to continue the conversation about finances in e-mail. I am looking forward to any and all advice. Meanwhile, our current campaign of Matching Funds is coming to a very good conclusion. We are very close to our goal of $5,000.00, which will pay Gary and Pam’s fees for the next six months. I cannot express my gratitude to the many donors who have made this happen.

The meeting ended t 7 PM and Jim and I lounged in splendid leisure for the remainder of the evening, except for his cleaning the kitchen, at which time I did some e-mail upstairs. I fielded a whole lot more e-mail from the group of UPI columnists who had written me to wish me happy holidays. There seems to be some energy in the group for getting together physically at some point and exploring ways to collaborate. I would welcome that.

We enjoyed a quiet, late supper and the Gaia Meditation, with Jim offering the ending prayer, before coming up to snuggle with the cats before lights out around midnight.

Saturday, December 23, 2006


The rains continued all day, with warm breezes and a feeling of spring. It is shirtsleeve weather again for a brief time!

After Morning Offering I came upstairs to deal with my burgeoning Inbox. I had received about 40 e-mails from fellow columnists at UPI and read them all before sending my own greetings back to them. I was impressed by the number of columnists who were actively working as inspirational speakers, healers or therapists and suggested in my return greetings to them all that it might be helpful for all concerned to meet and share perspectives. One never knows what collaboration may serve the greater good! Later in the day I received an e-mail from Sharon Hooper, one of the UPI columnists, who has decided to take on that project of getting us together. I told her to let me know what I could do to help. I’m a great believer in the power of a group of like-minded people to offer service to others.

I then returned to my MacDuffie project. I had received word from Sarah Bird, who edits the MacDuffie alumnae newsletter magazine, that she had to cut a lot of my text because of space constraints in the newsletter. I had figured she would need to do that, as I sent a full five pages of copy.

So I created a letter to my classmates, attaching the full text of my update article and also writing about my hopes to foster community in our class and come together for our 50th reunion in five years. I got that all together and sent it directly to those on my MacDuffie database with e-mail addresses. Then I sent the letter to Sarah with a request that she mail it out to the snail-mail people on the list.

While I was writing Sarah, I also wrote a letter to a student at MacDuffie who had asked me a question about why I had left International Studies as a major after three semesters of college, as she also was interested in entering International Studies. I wanted to encourage her to press forward with her interest. I explained my reasons for leaving politics behind and entering other professions – simply a mismatch between my gifts and the job of politician. I am the world’s most gullible human being and naïve in my idealism. Such traits will not make good politicians. One needs to be able to maintain one’s integrity and focus while dealing constantly with very murky ethical issues. I told her, by all means, go for it!!! We so desperately need good candidates these days.

I took time out for a trip to Images Salon, where I transformed into a Christmas elf, tinting my hair a dark green. It’s a pretty effect, as I have green in my eyes. I imagine it will not please everyone, especially at church, but it makes me smile!

Jim was “working alive” today, to use a local county expression describing a one-armed paperhanger. He was moving fast all day! He is doing a thorough clean-up on all his mowers and other machinery, putting them to bed for the winter. The garage is looking more and more spiffy.

The remainder of my work day was spent in writing letters. I wrote to Connie M, to whom I also sent the channeling transcripts she was missing and my latest UPI articles.

Then I wrote to Papa. I had started Papa’s letter in Nebraska and had hoped to spend a good bit more time on it, but that did not happen. So I wrote a bit more to finish the letter, printed out what I had written and added my Christmas presents and a CD Gary had prepared of all my Camelot Journal entries and UPI articles written since I last wrote Papa. I also sent Papa the writing I have done so far on The Choice 101. It made a considerable package!

Jim got all the rest of our Christmas presents for those far away ready to mail as well. We will have a nice bunch of “care packages” to send out to loved ones tomorrow. They are going to be late for opening on Christmas, but fortunately we do not have picky friends!

Gary and Jim carried our two extra mattresses upstairs to make a bed on the floor in my Cousin Carlos’s guest room. We shall have Carlos and Flora, plus little 3-year-old Naira, in there, and we needed that third bedstead. By stacking the two mattresses on the floor, we made a nice bed for her. It is good to get that done, as it is the second to last big piece to slide into place before we are ready for our guests.

The last piece, a new toilet seat for the upstairs bathroom, was bought today. It shall be installed tomorrow. Our poor old toilet seat! It was a soft seat, and the kittens took to chewing on it. Pretty soon our seat had sprung leaks everywhere and the inner material was beginning to leak out. Our new seat is wooden! That should be harder to destroy!

After our bath, Jim and I had a romantic tryst before coming downstairs to investigate supper and to say good-bye to Gary, who is headed to Ohio with Valerie for Christmas with his family. Suddenly the house was empty! We offered the Gaia meditation, with me offering the ending prayer, and then came upstairs to glory in our solitude. It will not last long! We said good night around 11 PM.


After Morning Offering I briefly came upstairs to sort e-mail before leaving for church to make my Advent confession to Fr. Joe. It was a good confession.

Arriving back home I found a recipe for a dip I want to make for those present at the Annual Meeting. Meanwhile Jim was working around the house, getting all things prepared for Christmas, doing errands and working on his lawn service tools.

Gary was working all day on various L/L projects, most especially getting things ready for the L/L Research Annual Meeting. We set a tentative date for that of 12-23 at 7 PM.

After lunch Jim and I stretched and then it was time for an appointment with Gary Watrous, the solar architect who is designing our home on Avalon. We chewed through a lot of issues about which I had not even thought! It was an eye-opening conversation. Watrous asked us to do more drawing, showing him the arrangement of our rooms on all floors. He says that it will help him be sure that he’s including the spaces we want and are used to having.

I had to leave Jim to continue to talk with Gary W because I had an appointment to have my nails cut. I cannot any longer cut my own nails, especially my toenails. It was grand to get myself all trimmed up and neat of nail again.

I came home to discover that Watrous had bent Jim’s ear until 5:30, making the meeting a 3 and ½ hour session. Jim’s ears were ringing from all the discussion! We were almost immediately greeted by Romi and Carmen. Romi had brought mulled wine and kielbasa, a Polish sausage, with dark bread and sharp mustard. Carmen brought a delicious apple pie, and Jim and I added in potato salad and baked beans. Altogether it was a delicious feast. We also offered our Winter Solstice ritual in which we chant

This is the night, the longest night, the longest night of the year!
What shall we give to the night?

Then we call out a pet peeve – say, “Poverty”! We all then yell, “Poverty! BAH!” and we start all over again. When we do this I am surprised that after about fifteen minutes, we run dry of things to give to the dark side. You would think, with all the suffering in the world, we could find more things which trouble us! But each year, it is a short ritual. We added a prayer at the end this year, an invitation to the light to return.

We could not light a bonfire tonight because it had taken to drizzling and by nightfall it was soaking wet outside and chilly with it. We decided to make our atmosphere with candles and stay warm and dry indoors!

After the ritual we relaxed into a most pleasant conversation, offering the Gaia Meditation together, with Jim praying at the end, and eventually saying good night to our guests around 11 PM. Jim and I went upstairs for a final snuggle and sought our beds around midnight.

Thursday, December 21, 2006


The weather is beginning to break at last, and we saw heavy clouds and chilly breezes all day. After Morning Offering Jim went to retrieve a Christmas tree while I fielded the repairmen who had come to replace our dying water heater. We got twelve years of service out of the old one, which we were told is very good service for those appliances.

Pam was on board at the financials computer today and I asked her for a running total on donations for the matching funds campaign. I am thrilled to say that we have collected $4,538.79 so far! Hopefully we’ll go “over the top” by the end of the year and be able to get matching funds for the whole $5,000.00, which is the matching funds offer’s cap. I rather suspect, however, that if we get more donations than that, all the funds will be matched. So here’s hoping! We are well on our way to being able to pay Gary and Pam for their wonderful work for the next half-year. Thank the Lord, and thanks to all our generous donors!

Gary and I worked throughout the day on annual meeting issues. Gary found our Avalon lease agreement. It looks as though will not need to sign a new one, as the lease renews automatically year by year. However it is good to have it on hand so we can refer to it during the meeting.

We settled on December 23rd for the L/L Research Annual Meeting. We are, however, still diddling with the time of day to begin. But that is great progress. And with no one chiming in with more agenda items, the agenda is now settled.

I wrote an article on getting real for my UPI column this week, finishing just as Jim came in from his work, as he continues to make our yard shine. He began cleaning in the garage and cleared all debris from our wild area, whose bowered glen we use for our pet cemetery.

Gary had gotten Carmen’s gift to us, a quesadilla maker, fired up and made a delicious quesadilla for me for lunch. What a treat that was! We even had some home-made salsa canned by one of Jim’s customers to spice it nicely.

After Jim and I stretched together, I worked almost all afternoon on creating a report for the alumnae magazine on the doings of all the classmates who have written me since my last report. As more and more people chime in, the reports get longer.

Editing is the time-taker. Each classmate writes more material than can be published and so I go through each letter and shorten the text by removing lots of interesting information which, however, is not about the classmate herself but about her extended family. I leave in news of spouses and children while editing out news of grandchildren and in-laws. It is good to have that done!

Tomorrow I shall send the report around to all my classmates separately, with a note from me, since many of the ladies do not read the MacDuffie Newsletter. My goal in doing so is to foster community in our class, with an intent to come together for a maximum amount of fun at our 50th high school reunion. That’s five years away, so I have a good head start!

I put up a lot more Christmas cards, filling the big doorway between the downstairs office and the living room completely and starting on filling up the framing woodwork along our big living room windows with the pretty images on the cards.

While I waited for Jim to finish his work, I did more baking, a batch of chocolate chip brownies and a loaf of blueberry bread. We are freezing everything as soon as it cools and labeling everything for easy access during those crowded days between December 26th, when all three families arrive, and some time in the New Year. Two families are staying for a week and the other is considering staying as long as three weeks.

There are just four more baking recipes to do and that part of the Great Preparation for Christmas 2006 will be complete. I believe the other cooking is also now all but finished! It is lovely to see our hosting plans coming together without much stress or strain.

After Jim finished his work, we took a bath together before I left for choir practice. You can imagine what a madhouse that was, since we are singing not one but two services on Christmas Eve. The choir was back in its regular rehearsal room in the undercroft. That space had been closed for repairs as wind and rain had sprung a series of leaks and the entire basement of the church flooded. Insurance paid for the work, thank heavens, for it was extensive and expensive. It is good to have a home for my music and robe again!

To polish off this day in perfect form, Jim and I went to catch a set of Walker and Kays at Clifton’s Pizza. They were in delightful voice, regaling us with jazzy Christmas tunes like Hoagy Carmichael’s “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”.

We offered the Gaia Meditation silently during the music, so no one offered an ending prayer. But our minds were fixed on the cause of peace and on our love for our dear planet. We returned in worsening weather and sought our beds around midnight.


After Morning Offering Jim continued cooking, preparing almost the last of our meals to be frozen until my family arrives in force on the 26th. As for me, I had a tough morning and did virtually no work for L/L Research, although I was certainly doing inner work!

Jim and I had lunch together and then he took me to see Dr. Aboud, as I was feeling faint and dizzy. Dr. Aboud confirmed that I had every expectation of feeling ill, what with the rheumatoid diseases, the interstitial cystitis, the acute anemia and all the strong medications, especially anti-inflammatories, which I need to take in order to control these various symptoms, which are trying to worsen. She said that lab tests show the anemia and other anomalies in my blood are correcting slowly on their own and so she prefers to let nature build me back up rather than give me a transfusion in the hospital.

While I was at the doctor’s Jim did errands for his lawn service business, dropping off his trailer to be repaired. When we came back home, Jim was off on a campaign to chip, shred and crunch all remaining debris in the yard. It is wonderful to see the yard come into its own, as much as it can in the “bleak midwinter” with its leafless trees and lack of blooms.

I took the remainder of the afternoon off and just went to bed. It was a good decision. I benefited greatly from the rest.

Jim and I had a lovely whirlpool together and Jim rested with me, watching TV, while I mostly snoozed the early evening away. We went back downstairs at 7 PM for a good supper and conversation with Romi, who was visiting, and Gary. Now there’s a good group for the discussion of metaphysical topics! Jim and I could not ask for better company. We offered the Gaia Meditation at 9 PM, with Romi offering the closing prayer.

There was a two-hour episode of “House” which we beheld together before the group went their separate ways and Jim and I came upstairs for a bedtime snuggle with the kitties.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


A storm rolled through early in the morning, changing the balmy weather very gently downwards to a day in the cloudy 50s. A perky black-capped chickadee greeted me as I sat down for Morning Offering, breakfasting at our birdfeeder. We are almost through with Eckhart Tolle’s book, New Earth, which we have loved, and I must write Ian to find the channeling source about which he is so enthusiastic. He says it reminds him most forcibly of our channeling, so Jim and I want to read that together next, I think.

Our kitchen was busy all day! Jim held forth until lunch time, creating side dishes to go with the entrée meats he prepared yesterday. Gary cooked side dishes also for quite a while in the late afternoon and evening. I joined in, making some brownies as well as loaves of cranberry bread and pumpkin bread.

In the morning I worked to prepare for the annual meeting, notifying board members of the need for the meeting before the end of the year and setting forth what we had so far in the way of an agenda. I also asked Gary to call Bell South and arrange for a conference call capability for that meeting.

I then worked on the snail mail, reading and enjoying, then hanging Christmas cards along the top of doorways and down their sides. I love to see the pretty cards sending us their good energy from doorways all over the house. Then it was back upstairs for some desk work. My stack of snail mail to answer is beginning to look like the “Tower of Babble”! I plan to tackle that snail mail often while all the family members are here, with their several comings and goings. It should be good living-room chair work for when I cannot get into my office without being rude.

After lunch Jim went up to Avalon to work on the access road. He shored up a washed-out place with his bundles of sticks and other storm debris which he had brought from Camelot and then had a concrete man come out to pour concrete just where it needed to go. Jim was very happy about the work they did and feels the road is now safe again. The enormously heavy winds and rain we fled as we left for Nebraska at the beginning of this month apparently started a cascade of erosion and the road failed at that spot.

I worked on e-mail in the afternoon. I wrote Steve M concerning my health, as he had offered to search the Cayce readings for solutions. I let him know all the different diets and regimens I had tried over the years, and the results – universally nil. Also, I specified the diagnosis, which is interstitial cystitis (IC), as opposed to cystitis, a very common infection of the bladder caused by bacteria. The condition I am enjoying at the moment is an inflammation in the bladder wall, with no bacterial infection involved.

Gary was inundated by my e-mails today! I was preparing to write Papa and Connie M, and both of them always hope to receive copies of our channelings. Papa also gets copies of my daily Camelot Journal entries and the UPI articles when I write him. I asked Gary to make a CD for Papa of all that, and copy out material for Connie.

I also asked Gary to write the friend of George K, a prisoner who has been a fan of the Law of One for years, who helps him. George wishes her to send us his manuscript which is entitled Highlights and Commentary on the Law of One.

Then I asked Gary to hunt up the lease between the Rueckert-McCarty’s and L/L Research for Avalon’s use by L/L, as we need to sign a new lease for 2007 during the annual meeting.

And lastly, I asked him to get together a report of all money donated so far in the matching funds campaign. We want to update the web site announcement. I am happy to say that we have collected upwards of $3,000.00 in donations so far in this campaign. We may well make our goal, which will pay Gary’s and Pam’s salaries for the next six months or so. Thanks be to God!

I wrote back and forth with Fr. Joe, finding a good time for me to make my Advent confession. We settled on Thursday morning. I feel much more ready for Christ’s Mass when I have knelt in the rough hay of my memories and regrets and come clean with all my doubts, fear and concerns. Getting real and telling the truth are platitudes these days. The soul-searching of a solid confession brings life to such platitudes, at least for me.

Jim K wrote to ask permission to send us his manuscript, and I encouraged him to do so. It contains thoughts based on our material. I also spoke with Gary about encouraging Gina J to send us her manuscript so we may read it. She wishes us to write a little review she can use for publicity. Her book, too, works with concepts from the Law of One. It is wonderful to see these various ways for people to read about these concepts springing up like flowers.

I finished editing the transcript of our December 10th session before going downstairs to the kitchen, donning my apron and joining Gary in the effort to prepare for the coming company. That finished my work day.

I was unreasonably exhausted this evening, faint and nauseated, and I kept falling into a heavy sleep which made it sheer torture to get back up and attend to little details like bathing, having dinner and offering the Gaia Meditation. These symptoms cannot all be from IC. Fortunately I will see Dr. Aboud tomorrow and I shall talk about the symptoms with her. She is an excellent diagnostician and I have every hope that she will point me towards some further testing to see where these fairly extreme symptoms are coming from.

Jim bustled about getting orders out for L/L Research. He and Gary had a conference and decided that from now on, Gary would field all the orders, which are frequent and large orders, making up the bulk of our wholesale sales. The software on that site keeps balling up on Jim’s computer and Jim has been going quietly crazy trying to get at the orders to get them filled. Gary has much more technical savvy than either Jim or I and an experiment showed that he could work the software way better. Thank the heavens for Gary, who is most patient with us both!

I was never so glad to see my own bed! We said an early god night at about 10:30.

Monday, December 18, 2006


I think this is the last day of Summerland shirtsleeve weather here in Kentucky, and it was splendid to enjoy it! Jim cleaned the house in the morning, also starting on the living room for an early “spring cleaning” in honor of the Rueckert clan’s coming visit which begins the day after Christmas. Meanwhile I whiled the morning away with choir practice and then sang the service at St. Luke’s. I stuck around to sell CDs of the St. Luke’s choir’s concert after the service, collecting another couple of choir robe’s worth of sales money. It is good to see it adding up. We only have 4 CDs left!

After our Taco Bell take-away lunch Jim and I bathed together and then napped briefly before joining the guests for this week’s Public L/L Meeting. Romi had come over early in the afternoon to set up for the broadcasted channeling session. He really prepared well! At the very last minute, the mike that had tested fine a moment ago failed, but Romi had a back-up mike and so the broadcast was able to go on. Carmen also came over early to work on her volunteer project, which is to enter my lifetime’s worth of poems and songs into the computer.

The question asked of the Q’uo group today was about teaching and learning. I think it was an interesting session, but will know more when it is transcribed. We had 13 joining us this week on the internet, as supposed to 5 last week. As happened the last time we did a series of these broadcasts on the internet, the audience grows with each broadcast. It is a good feeling to offer this channeling live, as there is an extremely positive energy that is carried by the channeling, regardless of the topic of their discussion, and it is as easily felt over the internet as locally. It is a blessing to be able to share that energy. The affection and compassion which the Q’uo group has for all of us is palpable, a real teaching in how to be love.

We enjoyed Romi’s traditional Love Tea after the session. While Jim called Mom McCarty, Gary, home from a hard shift at Cracker Barrel, joined Carmen, Romi and me for a good conversation and, eventually a feast. It was soon time for the Gaia Meditation, with Gary offering the closing prayer. At about 10 PM the party broke up and Jim and I came upstairs for a romantic tryst and a kitty-cat-snuggle before bedtime around midnight.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


This has been another in a string of incredible, edible days! It reached for 70 F today and nearly made it – 68 F! And the sunshine poured over everything like honey. After Morning Offering Jim put on his chef’s hat and produced the four entrée meats for our four Christmas Clan Gathering meals – a baked ham, a roast turkey, a salmon loaf and a big pan of apricot chicken. In the late afternoon, when the roasting was done and the turkey and ham cooled, he cut everything off the bone and froze the finished entrees. That’s a huge start on getting ready for the family onslaught on December 26th.

Meanwhile I worked on Steve M’s comments on Chapter Two of The Choice 101. As always they were most helpful. Steve has a way of trimming the fat from prose that is the best of dietary slimming - loss of verbal fat with retention of all the good stuff. His suggested changes are never about changing the meaning of a phrase, a sentence or a paragraph. The few times he seems to do that, I realize I have not expressed myself well enough for him to get my point, so even then, it is helpful in telling me to say this a different way. Usually his suggestions are a question – do you need this phrase; is it redundant? And usually, it is, by golly.

This work took my morning and the first part of my afternoon as well. At the end I spent an entirely frustrating and fruitless half hour trying to make some afterthoughts of Steve’s disappear, but each time I tried that, there went the entire Chapter Two! I finally gave it up and sent the Chapter Two back to Steve. He likes to look at the material a second time anyway, after I have run through his comments, just to snug up the fit. I figure he can also remove the afterthoughts safely, which is more than I can do!

I spent most of the rest of my work day catching up with personal friends, answering ancient e-mails which have escaped me till now. Am I caught up now? Not at all. But who is these day! We do what we can and call that good. At least I do!

Jim came in late from his hard, long afternoon of yard work – he had gone around the yard with a rake and worried out four garbage-can-fulls of leaves from our many plantings and borders – and he still had a bit more to do before he was through, so I came back up and started on editing last Sunday’s meditation, which Gary had just transcribed. I did not get that finished, but got a good start on it.

For the rest of the evening, we just enjoyed our bath and then the company, as Gary was home. We enjoyed the Gaia Meditation together, we me offering the ending prayer. Then it was a late supper together before Gary bade is good night, and Jim and I went up for a snuggle with the pussycats before bedtime at midnight.

Saturday, December 16, 2006


On this Ides of December (Although I do not believe the Roman calendar had an Ides in this month, we can!) our Indian Summer - or early spring, take your pick - weather continued, with temperatures in the 60s all day and a glorious sun. We have some daffodils in the yard whose stems are up about four inches! With true winter yet to come here, I give thanks for the flowers’ hardiness. They will last through all the cold of frozen winter days and bless us next spring with their blooms.

After Morning Offering, Jim gave our own yard the Jim’s Lawn Service treatment, clearing all the debris and blowing out the remaining downed leaves from their hiding places and then crunching them back into the soil. By lunch time, our yard was just sparkling.

Meanwhile, Gary and I spent a profitable morning ganging up on Christmas food planning. While Gary worked on the grocery list for the house for the next week, I generated four meals’ worth of recipes for our coming guests. Jim and I had decided that if we provided a sit-down meal for four of the days my clan is here – we do not know exactly when the last person will leave us, but they all arrive on December 26th and plan to stay through New Years’ Day – with all the side dishes of a genuine meal, perhaps on the other days we can have burger patties, Wimmer’s Wieners, pizza or other sorts of take-out, or go out to eat together.

By lunchtime Gary and I had generated the grocery list for that extra cooking, which Jim will undertake starting next Monday, working on the dishes and then freezing them each morning next week. My recipe database never worked harder! One day, that recipe collection in itself could be an L/L book project, for I have developed hundreds of recipes based on healthy ingredients and substitutes for the usual suspects of sugar, dairy and so forth, and worked extensively with herbs.

Gary and I also talked through the breakfast and lunch choices we intend to provide the Rueckert clan. Most of the ingredients for that will be better bought just before the troops arrive, as we want the fresh things to be newly bought and truly fresh, but now we have a plan so we can grab our list and go-go-go next week at this time during final preparations. It is a blessing to have those plans in hand early.

After lunch together with Jim and stretching, Jim went back into the gladsome afternoon sun to transplant our entire row of arbor vitae trees. This is another episode in the mini-saga of our neighbor to the south, whose behavior defines the term “bad neighbor” for us. In L’s latest hassle, he explained to Jim that some of the limbs of our living hedge – the arbor vitae which we had to plant because he physically cut down our previous living hedge of forsythia bushes, saying that they were on his property – were shading his property. It is so silly that we can laugh about it. But how to respond? Jim has, all along, said that the only way we can survive L is to clear away any and all objections he has concerning his property line, about which he is amazingly obsessive. Once he has absolutely nothing more about which to complain on that issue, we can ignore him.

So Mick spent the entire afternoon digging up over a dozen big trees and replanting them well on our side of the property line. We believe this is the last thing about which he can gripe. One can always hope!

L has in the recent past raised all sorts of Cain about the small satellite dish we have in the front yard, insisting that we have it moved because, again, although the dish array is solidly planted on our property, the dish itself is shading his property.

We moved it without comment a couple of weeks ago. However, Jim made the array into a Christmas tree, and a very pretty one it looks when the Christmas lights are turned on at dusk. I laughed to see this “tree” just blinking away, as Mick had gotten one of those special sorts of holiday lighting which blinks and runs and makes all sorts of other jazzy patterns. Jim set it to run through all of its variations ad infinitum. See, L, it seems to say, I am pretty!

Jim and I are not weaklings. If there were any way whatsoever to alter L’s behavior short of replanting trees, we would. However I checked carefully and the laws of property here are such that people can do what they like on their own property as long as it does not constitute a danger or breed vermin. We knew L would continue to harass us in this goofy way endlessly, as that is one of his hobbies, and has been for a lifetime of meanness and bullying. Most of the people living on this street were L’s neighbors growing up, back during World War II and thereafter, and I have heard a jillion stories that indicate his nature. And so we removed the source of enhasslement and stopped the noise! I praise St. James for refraining from offering the first harsh word to L. We have never kicked L out of our hearts just because his surface personality is a mess. We focus on his soul, which is beautiful. And of course we allow ourselves the satellite Christmas tree, with its unusual angel at the top. Balance in all things is good, and laughter is especially important!

I spent part of the afternoon talking with Ian about various bits of various projects – the Book of Days in its pre-publishing stages and Don Elkins’ unfinished book with my introduction. It was a good talk. Ian’s work has resulted in everything that you see on our site. In addition we have published A Wanderer’s Handbook together and in so many ways we have collaborated to serve those who might find our material useful. It was very good to hear his voice and catch up in person.

I started on Steve M’s comments on Chapter Two in late afternoon. It is a very big chapter, as I felt it had to be in order decently to explore the concept of polarity as set forth by the Ra group and other Confederation sources channeled through our group. I probably chewed my way through a third of Steve’s comments. As always I find Steve’s suggestions very useful. He teaches technical subjects, often to foreigners. If there is a way to say something more simply and directly, he can suggest it. and he checks my scientific facts, watching my back there.

It was good to achieve bath time! I was marginal in health all day, and working against a load, as it were, and was I tired! Jim also was weary after so much heavy work in the yard, so we luxuriated in a long, slow whirlpool together, laughing together about the satellite tree, before bathing. As we age, we find water tremendously healing, especially the “swirling waters”, as the Ra group used to say.

Romi was over for the evening, to visit and to continue his seasonal maintenance on the L/L computers, bringing a bottle of Liebfraumilch, a mild and delicious white wine which we enjoyed together. Jim and Romi shared a pizza for supper while I enjoyed homemade soup, which seems to go down better than more ambitious food at my night meal sometimes. Romi offered the ending prayer at the Gaia Meditation and we watched an episode of Battlestar Galactica together before the party broke up. Jim and I finished the evening snuggling with the cats, saying good night around midnight.

Friday, December 15, 2006

2006-12-13 and 14

These last two days, my chief work has been inner rather than outer. I was sufficiently uncomfortable to find thinking close to impossible throughout both mornings and most of both afternoons. I believe there is nothing wrong with me except for the problems I have had for the last months. However there do seem to be good and bad spells to this condition, and this last bit has been a bad spell, so labeled by my ego, which is fond of assigning values of the shallowest kind to life’s circumstances.

However my life is dedicated to the Creator, not just part of my life but the whole of it, 24/7, from this present moment – whenever that is – until I pass into larger life and find my options opening up in ways I cannot now imagine. Meanwhile, my response to this “light, momentary affliction” as St. Paul called either his homosexuality or his epilepsy - bible scholars are still debating that one - is of interest to the Creator.

So I spent my hours of intense discomfort playing in the fields of the Lord, a lily of those fields, toiling not, nor spinning, but just being a flowering of life. I had a most enjoyable time in my mind as I rested in the formless essence of myself which I reach when I focus my attention beyond doing and enter the sacred precincts of being.

What a joy it is to rest in consciousness! Sometimes I watched my breath, in and out, so clever a body to know to do that. Sometimes I looked out my window at the beautiful, Indian Summer days. And sometimes I fell asleep in my chair and rested even more deeply. If I do not respond to feeling ill by shrinking from it but instead embrace it and cooperate with it, the joy in me bubbles forth in its merry spring, its waters chuckling down the stream bed of my body and out into the world.

There were just a few things which I did in the outer world. On Wednesday, yesterday, I wrote the UPI column for this week, a piece on prejudice. I had been rudely awakened to it in Nebraska as I heard my Mom-in-law and her friends talking about how they feel Mexicans who work in their little town are disrespectful simply because they are speaking Spanish as they walk down the street. The whole concept of living in English or living in Spanish escaped her completely, even after a substantial conversation. Languages are more than words. They are crude exemplars of the culture of a people. In every language there are words and sayings for which there is no direct translation. How I love those nuances! Yet to Mom, the pretty flow of Spanish is “jabbering”.

I wrote to Ian concerning details of our current project, A Book of Days, and also concerning the few pages of a manuscript Jim and I found after Don died in 1984. The Elk had taken a few pages of notebook paper and started a book designed to do what The Choice books intend now: a simple introduction to the principles of the Law of One. What little Don wrote is excellent. We had it up on the internet for a while thanks to Bruce P’s loving care, and then it seemed to be lost. I asked Gary to hunt for the biographical introduction I wrote for that text of Don’s.

I hunted up some information for Brother Tommy on nice places to stay near here. Our house is not big enough to sleep all thirteen of our gathering clan, so he volunteered to get accommodations at a nearby B&B. The sweetest place around here is called Fox Hollow. It’s an old farm mansion which has been restored and is now a B&B.

Then I spent some time with the “sick list”, catching up with friends of mine who are ill, Dana R and Rafael, Ann B’s husband.

Pupie and Peter, whose wedding I was honored to be a part of last year, wrote to ask me about my prayers at Morning Offering. We shared that Offering for the three weeks I spent with them and they were asking me for some ideas on how to pray at their own daily Morning Offerings. Pu said that they were, all too often, saying the same thing, focusing on the day ahead and what it would bring. So I wrote suggesting that such petitions are only part of a prayer for the day. I suggested starting with praise, thanksgiving, worship and blessing, connecting with the Creator with no thought but to glory in that Mystery. That is the main part they were missing, I think.

It was an interesting exercise for me to examine my own praying style and analyze the various parts of it. I found there were four parts: the above connecting to the Creator, the request for focus on the Creator in the day ahead so I do not get lost in details, the various petitions for peace, for all who suffer, for the planet itself, for the guidance and protection of the Creator and finally those items that pertain just to today.

My last outer work on Wednesday was to work with Gary on the self-publishing information for which Ian is asking. I am happy to say that Gary feels he is coping with it all well. In my present state, the amount which I did not know concerning this area of the publishing project was overwhelming to me. Fortunately, to Gary it is an opportunity to learn and he is enjoying the ride. Go Gary! And thank God for Gary!

Today I did not surface at all until late afternoon, in terms of outer work. I did some e-mail towards evening and am happy to report that, thanks to Don C Sr., who reads this blog, the missing introduction to Elkins’ unfinished book was located. Not only that, but Don found another piece of writing which had gone missing from our archives, Melissa’s entries in the Avalon Journal. Melissa T was the very first person of our little community of 2003 – 2005 to live on Avalon. She lived in Sugar Shack before it was at all improved and toughed out pioneer circumstances in order to bring order and cleanliness to the place. We had lost those entries. Thank you, Don C!!! You are wonderfully clever to have located them. And now the way is clear for us to put the Avalon Journal up on site. Eventually, when Jim, Gary and I move to Avalon, this journal will become the Avalon Journal.

My last task for the day was to thank Steve M not only for his generous donation to our matching funds campaign – we are nearing the $3,000 mark! – but also for his comments on Chapter Two of The Choice 101. I look forward to reading that and working with his comments tomorrow.

My husband, whom I sometimes call St. James, was his saintly self, incredibly supportive and encouraging. He decided that if I were well enough, he would take me to a new restaurant which is hosting a jazz combo led by an old friend, Jerry Tolson, a local sax player whose abilities shine in so many ways. I was determined to go! And we did. We had a table very close to the music and also very close to the restrooms – tailor-made for me! It was just grand to be out and part of Louisville’s night life. it was so normalizing. And the music was blissfully good, the old standards interspersed with new riffs not heard by me before, but all so tasty! I do love the sound of an old bull bass, the acoustic arpeggios of the bass line filling in the texture of the music with great style.

The food was delicious, also! I enjoyed lobster pasta with black olives while Jim had shrimp.

Both days, we were faithful with our Morning Offerings and our Gaia Meditations and both nights, we sought our beds early. My condition you know, and Jim was stiff and sore because he has been doing storm debris control, including picking up thousands of sticks and cutting up many limbs, and the hard labor made him truly weary. So we snuggled with the cats and each other and said good-night early both nights.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


On a spring-like day, wet and warm, after Morning Offering Jim continued his storm debris control for his customers while I came upstairs and tackled the burgeoning pile of snail mail on my desk. We were awash in Christmas cards and I greatly enjoyed reading everyone’s news and putting the cards up as Christmas decorations. It is an old ritual of mine which I treasure. By the end of Christmastide, the whole house will be embellished along every doorway with the beautiful cards and the loving thoughts will drift through the house like incense.

I also spent some time on the Book of Days project for Ian, answering questions he had and discussing details of the book’s production. We decided that we will include an appendix at the end of the book, giving the archival details of what date each of the readings used in the book was transmitted, as we do with all of our transcripts.

Jim came home for lunch and I continued sorting mail while we ate and then enjoyed stretching together.

Connie M had written a note that just tore at my heartstrings. She is dealing with a home problem that cannot be altered. It involves her dying mother. Her care amounts to daily torture of the emotional and mental kind for Connie as her mom has become changed, as though an evil genie had taken over her mental processes. It is a very difficult situation for a loving daughter and Connie reports learning much of wisdom during this dark time.

In the same mail, Nancy G sent me an original song to which she had written the lovely words. Nancy’s situation is sheltered and blessed and she writes to express her support and encouragement. She has never met me, and her affection is incredibly supportive. I believe she and I must have work to do together as the connection is so strong. Perhaps I am to sing some of her songs for her. I would enjoy doing that. She has often invited me to visit, and we could make this collaboration the focus of such a time together,

Something told me to take the time to sit down, pick out some hymns and sing a tape of love and healing for them both. Jim set up the tape recorders before he left to continue his damage control on his customers’ lawns storm debris, and I sang my heart out. If felt so good to express my affection for these two wonderful women – one in a very good outer situation, in the eyes of the world, and one at peril, yet both strong women, secure in their power and full of healing energy. I love them both so much.

I cannot touch the tape recorders myself unless I am OK with breaking them! There is something about my energy which kills them dead. I am so grateful this is not true of computers! So Jim set the tapes running and I just carried on until I was finished with my mini-concert. Jim finished snugging up the tapes for mailing later in the day.

Then it was time to go to Lil H for a colonic. I have found that these “high colonics” help me to be sure that my system is free of phlegm, which can hinder food absorption. Jim got home just in time to drive me, as by now it was raining heavily and I do not see well in dim light. I was most grateful for the aid. There were accidents everywhere. Louisville is a southern town, and it is typical of southern towns to be almost unable to deal with rough weather. Fortunately for us, we were able to dodge the trouble spots and I was on time for the appointment and had a good colonic. Lil uses Jim Shin Jitsu and foot reflexology to help the process along and we always have a pleasant conversation during the procedure.

Both Jim and I were exhausted by our day. After our bath, we fell fast asleep and napped for over two hours, waking just in time for the Gaia Meditation. We had a late supper after that and enjoyed a two-hour CSI which combined the casts of the New York and the Miami CSI casts in a good story, though certainly a dark one.

We said good night around midnight after a last kitty snuggle.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


It was wonderful to be back in my bower office and working on the good stuff! After Morning Offering, Jim went out to pick up sticks and other storm debris for his customers and I came upstairs to check my e-mail for possible urgent needs. Sure enough, Ian had questions about the Book of Days as we get up some speed on finishing this sweet, sweet project.

He had a PDF of the book ready for us to see, and I printed out the Preface since Jim had not yet vetted it. My only anxiety about the Preface is that I switch tenses in it. However I am not sure there is a way out of that, for some of the time I am speaking of what I learned in the past and other times I am speaking about principles. I also dug up the ISBN number to verify Ian’s version of it.

I then went hunting for some creative work I had done for Bruce P when he was at L/L Research. Don started a book on Law of One principles in 1984, but he never got past a few excellent pages, to all of our loss. Ian had come across that, wished to add it to our site, and wanted to be sure that this was the entire text. It was. I could not find my biographical introduction to that writing of Don’s up here on Traveller, which makes sense, since Bruce left us before I had gotten into this upstairs office. So I asked Gary to hunt for it on Maggie, his computer now but mine last year before I came up here. I also asked him to check the B4 CD sent by Jeremy when he closed that site for us. I hope we can find it. I imagine we’ll recover the text all right, since I never delete anything I have written, to Romi’s complaint as I stay on a computer for a while and really fill up the memory.

Why do I do that? It is because I know that my writing may help people. So even if it is a private letter, I keep copies of everything because someday, God willing, I may live long enough to become less busy. If that happens, I will go through my work to find the correspondence that contains discussion of spiritual principles and get that “out there” – with the IDs deleted of course. I know I carry gifts. They are wonderful gifts which I can only hope to use well. So I feel like a steward of my gifts, which are not “mine” at all but pure endowments from my Creator.

My first job for the day, on my agenda anyway, was to finish finding all the quotes in the database for The Choice which pertained to the newly organized 101 volume. I finally got to that and had just assigned the last database code to the last outline point when Jim came in for lunch.

I will not hope to start writing on Chapter Three tomorrow, because there is a huge backlog of mail which I must see to before moving forward and a similar unwieldy load of e-mail. There is this week’s UPI article tow rite. I also have a couple of jobs which need to be done before Christmas on behalf of MacDuffie, where I am class captain for the class of 1961 – a letter for the alumni paper and a letter to my classmates. And I am determined to catch up on my editing of recent sessions, and to finish with the third weekend’s worth of the Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues.

I had a great letter from Frank D, an editor with Hampton Roads. He agreed to take the A/Q Dialogues manuscript as soon as I finish the editing! This heartens me greatly. I want above all things not to get involved again with the Schiffer/Donning company, which has treated us so shabbily with their owning the rights to the Law of One series.

In the afternoon I tackled the bulging Inbox on Traveller. First I wrote a couple of notes to Gary, as I wanted him to keep a watch as Christmas cards come in, so that we correct any addresses we have incorrectly entered in our database and also so that we send cards to those who send us a card for the first time. We have a lot of that each year, as new people read our material and wish to express thanks. Gary was dubious at first but then went through the eleven cards he had in his current pile and found four newbies and two address changes

My other note to the Bean man was about our house plans. Jim and I are working on plans for our Avalon house. Gary Watrous, our passive solar architect, asked us to create schematics on graph paper for the rooms we have now at Camelot. Gary had crafted the drawings from Jim’s measurements and improved them with further details he thought Watrous might find useful, like how many feet of books we had in the library, how much storage for clothes and inventory and so forth. I wanted to make sure Gary drew a schematic of his own room, or created a schematic of his ideal room, one or the other, as we do intend to move Gary with us and want him to be entirely comfortable. He is a truly valuable L/L community member with several years’ experience here now.

Ian had gotten the Winter issue of Light/Lines ready while we were traveling back to Kentucky. It is our centennial edition, Issue 100! I sent notice to Tim M and Gary B that it was ready to send. Tim has the send list for the electronic version of the newsletter while Gary mans the send list for hard copies. The few who ask for those hard copies are usually either prisoners who are denied computer access or older people who have never understood the use of the computer and so cannot receive the electronic version.

A Gatherings attendee and friend, Ken B, had sent news to me of an egregious mis-vote in Florida, where some 18,000 ballots cast electronically in a local election had been lost, not just misplaced but deleted, gone, nada. This is in a close race. And we have seen election irregularities several times in Florida now. I added my humble name to a petition was passing around, and sent the news on to activist friends of mine.

I had a fun exchange with Penny Kelly, whose books, The Evolving Human and Consciousness and Energy, were just donated to our L/L Research Library by an old L/L friend, Dave Gillis. In an astounding coincidence, she had just come across my UPI article from last week, loved it and wanted to comment. She is also a channel, she says, and has exactly the same frustration with some folks’ questions, which seem to focus on what’s wrong and how to fix it, when the channeling sources themselves would far rather talk about what’s right and how to expand it.

Gina E. Jones had written some time ago to ask permission to use the Law of One in writing a book. She has now finished it! It is titled Flying Between Heaven and Earth. It is now in the publishing process and she will send us a couple of copies for the Library soon. She wrote to say that she had written a screenplay based on her book which had caught the interest of Jim Carrey’s production company. They have asked her for a rewrite. It would be so nifty to see a movie treating some of these ideas out there.

I heard from some friends who are under the weather. My roomie at MacDuffie, Ann B, is married to a wonderfully distinguished and romantically spoken Italian poet, Rafael, whose eyes have developed cataracts. He just had a successful surgery and I wrote to cheer him on.

Ken B’s wife, Vera B, just had surgery for cancer and I wrote them both. Cancer, even when the doctors say you are clear of cancer cells, lingers in the mind because one always must go back for endless check-ups. It is a difficult illness to bear gracefully, but clearly she, as well as m friend, Dana R, is doing splendidly. It is ironic that Ken is retiring just when this is occurring. As Winston Churchill once said of life, it consists of “one damn thing after another!”

Both Brother Tommy and Cousin Carlos Rueckert wrote about Christmas plans, as Jim and I will host the Rueckert horde this year, and I caught up with them.

Carol C had written to say that her efforts to find grants for us have been waylaid by illness and I wrote to encourage her to take care of herself with great love and get back to volunteering her aid to us when she felt way, way better.

The rest of my e-mail for the day was written to Dana R, who wrote to say that she will not take more treatment for her cancer but accept what life brings. This is her third bout and I quite agree with her that there is no sense in compromising the quality of the remainder of her life when even the doctors say there is no real hope the treatment will remove the cancers. Everywhere they looked in their last surgery on her, they found cancer cells. It is too late for mortal solutions. We talked about the gift of the present moment. How she lifts me up! I am so fortunate to know so many wonderful, courageous and excellent people.

I had a short session with Gary about various office projects, especially working on getting just the right Print-On-Demand printer for A Book of Days. Ian has asked for an astronomical amount of detail on items about which neither Gary nor I know anything. I told him not to panic, just do the research for him. I went through this bewildering stage with Ian when we did A Wanderer’s Handbook in 2001. We don’t have to know anything except what Ian needs to know. So I assured Gary that playing detective was the beginning and end of his responsibility there, which much relieved his mind.

Jim called bath time at that point and our working day came to an end. Jim had found an enormous amount of clearing to do at all his customers’ homes, as this last week was rough weather with high winds and in our heavily wooded village, winds bring down lots of storm debris from the many mature trees. Jim and I settled into a most pleasant evening full of nothing more businesslike than Jim’s reading over my Preface, which he had not seen before.

Gary sailed off to enjoy some time with his girlfriend and Jim and I had a good supper and offered the Gaia Meditation before coming upstairs for a snuggle and bedtime around 11 PM.

Monday, December 11, 2006


Our first full day home dawned bright and brisk, a sunny, 50-ish day. I had been reading the mail which had arrived while we were gone, and found an article in St. Luke’s monthly newsletter which asked parishioners not to leave the church during the service, especially during the sermon. Since that is exactly when the IC bladder spasms have hit, and when I have had to leave the chancel at least twice in the last few weeks, I wrote an e-mail to my choirmistress and priest letting them know that I would have to stay home for a while as I have no control over when these spasms hit.

I am happy to say that by the end of the morning, somehow, Fr. Joe had gotten back to me with a rousing invitation to rejoin the choir and forget his article, which was written to try to keep the young people of the church from socializing outside during the sermon.

I had a luxurious morning with all the puzzles. After lunch I came upstairs to work on editing a session for Andy B and got that done just in time to take a bath and join the group for meditation.

This was our first broadcast Sunday and Romi was on hand early to test mikes and get the set-up all ready. Carmen came over early to work further on typing my poetry and songs into the computer for a digital record.

The meeting went well, with a good talk around the circle which left us with several themes to choose from. We as a group decided to ask a question about prejudice. I think the Q’uo group offered us an interesting answer and I will be interested to read the transcript.

Carmen went back to her volunteering while Romi worked with my computer, doing a special back-up he likes to run seasonally, and then we sat down to a good meal, all of which had been prepared by Gary and Valerie as a treat for Jim, who usually does half of the cooking each Saturday. Afterwards, Gary, Carmen and Romi went off to see “The Fountain” at Tinseltown Cinemas and Jim and the cats and I were alone.

We came upstairs and improved our time together by sharing romantic energy before a last snuggle with the cats and lights-out around midnight.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

2006-12-08 and 09

We had a lovely two days of travel back to Kentucky from Nebraska. Other than being faithful with our Morning Offerings and our Gaia Meditations, we did little L/L business during these two days except in terms of our many conversations about L/L Research along the way. It was a luxurious time of being together for two whole days and we thoroughly enjoyed it!

Travel was a little chancy for me because of the unremitting requirements of interstitial cystitis, which comes down to a simple cliché – when you gotta go, you gotta go! So we navigated by truck stops! It is most fortunate that the considerable trucking industry has generated lots of truck stops to service the big rigs, and they always have clean, warm washrooms.

We got back safely and greeted Gary, who had done a host of kind things while we were gone so that Jim did not have any chores awaiting him when we arrived. We spent the evening conversing and catching up, shared the Gaia Meditation, with Jim praying at the end, and said good night about midnight.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


It was a cold, cold day that greeted us on our last full day visiting with Mom McCarty. After Morning Offering I took my time writing the Camelot Journal entry for yesterday and spent the rest of the morning just being part of things with Mom.

After we enjoyed lunch together and Jim and I stretched, I edited the November 12th, 2006, channeling for the century edition of Light/Lines and wrote the comments before sending both off by e-mail to be published. It is nifty to look back over one hundred issues of our little newsletter and to know that we have a quarter-century of staying power in this shifting world. One chorus of Jerry Garcia’s “hair’s gray but I’m still hanging in there” lyric!

For our last dinner together we thought we were taking Mom out to Tep’s, a local bar and grill that has the best food in town. It turned out that she, by sleight of hand, took US. Blush!

It has been a good visit. I know Mom is endlessly grateful to get to spend time with her one and only son - and she loves me too! Our real present to her was our presence.

I am writing this early, just after the Gaia Meditation, since I need to send the Camelot Journal entry in and pack the computer away for the trip home, so I will just guess that between now and bedtime we will watch a bit more TV with Mom and then pack things up, hitting the hay sometime before midnight comes with its pumpkin coach to take us off to sleepland.


The day dawned clement and cloudless, the sunshine touching the mathematically exact grid of wide, wide streets and modest homes of Lexington, Nebraska with sweet generosity. After Morning Offering I had to hustle to write my UPI article for the week because of the time difference. We are on central time here, and so my deadline was 11 AM instead of noon.

We had received a good channeling on November 12th and I thought it would be good to share some of those thoughts, so I wrote the article about creating the new earth experience.

Meanwhile Jim was working to finish the Christmas cards, having determined that the cards were, indeed, over one ounce each. He applied the extra stamps and sealed everything up. We took the cards to the post office and got them all mailed off. I just love that moment in the season of Advent when we send those cards off. More than anything else except the sacred worship of Christmastide, it represents to me the inner reason for Christmas, the need to connect together the network of light in our life represented by those we love so dearly. Greeting everyone is a pure and healing pleasure.

Jim needed hitch pins for the trailer he hauls his Jim’s Lawn Service equipment in and we went to the local farm supply shop to get a new supply. While we were there, Jim got me a present – a cowgirl outfit. I now own a beautiful Wrangler cowgirl shirt with snaps and cowboy tailoring, but in a feminine, pretty plaid. What a treat! These shirts are sturdy and warm and I shall enjoy having and wearing one.

Jim and I spent the rest of the afternoon playing a game of Trivial Pursuit, which I greatly enjoy playing, as I learn so much. I am not very good at it and generally Jim wins every game. He did so today!

I spent my evening working on a letter to Papa and then reading while Jim and Mom watched TV. After the Gaia Meditation I found myself drowsing in my chair, and Jim finally woke all of us up when he awoke himself around 10:30 and we all found our beds.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


It was a day of unexpectedly balmy breezes and sunshine, as if Indian Summer had come to sojourn with us in Nebraska. After Morning Offering Jim began to fold our Christmas cards for Jim’s Lawn Service, L/L Research and our household and then to stuff the Christmas cards into their envelopes, putting the labels on them and stamping them. Meanwhile I wrote a better version of our Christmas letter and then fiddled for an hour or so with making its margins fit properly with our computer Christmas stationery. By lunchtime, I had it right at last.

After lunch I printed out the letters and Jim folded them into the cards and sealed them. We are now ready to mail the cards except for one thing: Jim’s concern that they are overweight, weighing in at more than one ounce. If so, our cards will need another .24 postage each. We shall check that tomorrow.

I experienced a very difficult spell and lay down flat for a part of the afternoon, taking it very easy for the rest of the day. Mom also was feeling poorly. Perhaps we picked up a little Nebraska bug! As a result, we had a very subdued evening, except for a visit from Jim’s cousin, Mom’s brother’s daughter, Shirley and her husband, Babe. Babe is a genuine and oft-used name for the Van Cura family! I had heard it used as a man’s name previously only in the story of Babe and the Blue Ox. Shirley’s Babe is the first human I ever met with that name.

Jim and I offered the Gaia Meditation rather surreptitiously as the Van Curas came right at 9 PM, but our sentiments and prayers were no less sincere for being silent. We sought our beds early, at 10 PM, hoping to feel better on the morrow.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


After Morning Offering I fiddled with the computer until I recalled just how to use the dial-up connection to the internet and posted the Camelot Journal entries for the last three days of travel and adventure.

I worked on the letter to send with the Christmas cards, but did not finish it. There’s some ineffable spirit missing that needs to be there before I am pleased with it. I’ll take another tilt at it tomorrow.

I checked the e-mail and found a question from Ian on the method of dating each of the readings in the Book of Days. We settled on a very plain style, using just the date, like January 1, and then the title of the reading, for each day.

Other than that I was of no earthly use! I napped lavishly, although I did not intend to, and enjoyed reading while Jim and his Mom watched news, soaps and sports, which is what Mom loves to do all day, every day.

In the evening we took Mom to the best restaurant within fifty miles, Grandpa’s Steak House in Kearney, Nebraska, for her birthday dinner celebration. It was delicious food and a beautiful ride under a full and glowing moon in the deep-indigo of the winter sky.

We offered the Gaia Meditation in the car coming home, and found ourselves once again dozing by 10 PM, which is 11 PM Kentucky time, so we all said an affectionate good night and sought our beds.

Monday, December 04, 2006


After Morning Offering, Jim and I packed up and set out for Lexington, Nebraska, where Jim’s Mom is celebrating her 89th birthday. We had an easy ride on good roads once we got off of I-70, which was still iced in places and festooned with a gaudy series of tumped-over and listing rigs which had not seen that ice while changing lanes. We were endlessly alert! And Stanley Outback was surefooted with his all-wheel drive.

We arrived at Jim’s childhood home after dark. Mom had a feast ready for us and had baked her own birthday cake – she thought of it as baking a cake to welcome us – so we had a good birthday party. We offered the Gaia Meditation while Mom was snoozing in front of the TV and soon found ourselves snoozing as well, so we all decided to head for bed.

Mom sees to the rental of a hospital bed when I visit, and it will be wonderful to rest my aching shoulders on an incline again. Sleeping on a flat bed beats up my back, neck and shoulders because of arthritic changes which make it hard for my neck and shoulders to support my head. Perhaps it is the weight of my ego that makes my head so heavy!

The environment in Lexington is uncomfortable for Jim and me, although we both love his Mom with all our hearts. There’s no better person or better Mom in the whole wide world. But her house is hermetically sealed. No windows will open. Every door is kept locked. Her old bones need heat, so the temperature is around 78 to 80 degrees at all times.

And she is Latino-phobic, which is most unfortunate in a town that is now more Mexican than American. The Mexicans have come to Lexington to work in the meat packing plants and harvest and have stayed. They work for pitifully small wages, which is why the jobs go begging. They band together to rent homes where several families make do living in community so that they can all save a part of their salaries to send home to Mexico, where their relatives are dependent upon their adventurous kin for the bare necessities of life – rice, beans and flour. I have been in Mexico, in the country, and there is nothing for a person who wishes to earn a living. For that you need cities and factories, which they do not have. So they come here to find a better life. They take the jobs no one wants. They have an excellent work ethic. Most are good people, and good citizens.

Yet there is an unthinking, sharp anger in Mom as she says that if “they” want to be here, “they” should always speak English. I asked her if they ever demand to be waited on in Spanish and she said, no, when dealing with Americans they speak English.

I asked her why it would bother her that they speak Spanish among themselves. I pointed out that if we needed to go to French-speaking Canada to work, we would still speak English between ourselves.

I pointed out that in a generation, the problem will not exist, as the kids are being schooled in English-speaking schools and they will grow up speaking Nebraska-accented English if they arrive here young enough, regardless of living in Spanish at home. I pointed out how interesting it would be, and how practical and compassionate as well, to learn Spanish and thusly find ways to bring the community \together again in its new configuration, Lexingtonians all and proud of it.

Mom – and the vast majority of European-Americans around these parts – is unimpressed by my sweet reason. They want their little insulated village back, with everyone the same. They have no desire to progress.

By heaven, what a waste of an opportunity to come together and have a whole new city with exciting cultural richness and diversity. I begin to see why, instead of our government’s conferring with the governance of Mexico and arranging for a no-borders work environment, which is the sensible thing to do since that is what actually exists, the money and energy is put on building a doggone fence and saying, you can’t play in our yard.

In Louisville, we have a large Hispanic community as well as large Asian, Middle Eastern and African communities of people. Fortunately for Jim and me, it is a much larger city, with universities and a more sophisticated attitude. We have found ways in Louisville to include everybody, having celebrations for Cinco de Mayo and many other international holidays dear to other cultures. I know inclusion can work, and I know it is the way of the open heart.

My own people prove the value of inclusivity. On my Mom’s side, my people have been in the USA since before it was a country. The Native Americans were for the most part inclusive in welcoming the early settlers here.

However on my Dad’s side, his people emigrated from northern Germany at a time when the politics leading up to World War I disturbed Pop’s grandfather. He sought a more liberal and less politically aggressive home and found it in Illinois. He never learned more than the necessary English. Pop’s Dad spoke both German and English and had a slight accent. Dad himself spoke clear and unaccented English but could speak German. He never taught me German or spoke it at all, which I consider my loss.

My Dad’s people were professionals in Germany – financiers, poets, professors and mathematicians. Of course, in the USA, the family’s ability to find professional positions was limited. But by my Dad’s day, he was able to attend college, become a professional engineer and make a good living for his family.

In the meantime, America was richer for my folks’ contributions. And now in Nebraska and all over this country, we have the chance to embrace our newest flood of immigrants. Why do we not? Why can we not remember that we too were once immigrants here?

I hope I remember to ask the Q’uo about the spiritual principles involved in the apparently very human tendency to exclude people who are different. It really tends to distract people from seeing the good of moving forward in progressive ways that embrace what is happening now and seeing that American Dream come alive in a whole new population of good people.


Jim and I had decided last night to stay in Columbia an extra day while the road crews rendered the Missouri Interstate system drivable again. Just as Jim had predicted, they were unable to clear the roads overnight. It had sleeted for some time and some inches of glare ice on the roads before the snow began, so while the snowplows did a fair job with removing excess snow, the ice remained. Traffic on the expressway, which we could see in the distance from our fifth-floor window, was stop-and-slow until about 3:30 in the afternoon, when it finally started to look more normal.

Meanwhile, Jim and I had the whole day to ourselves. We tried to remember when last that occurred. It was in 1996, our last year to go to Pawley’s Island, South Carolina, for a vacation.

We had such a good day! We had a morning nap. We had an afternoon nap. We ate well and watched three football games, not to mention part of a basketball game.

No L/L Research business whatsoever got done! However, it was a most restorative time and we loved every moment of it!


I awoke to the sound of wind. At first I thought it was hail but it was only the velocity of the mighty breeze pounding against the windows. Storm debris was everywhere. I suppose we could have taken that as a sign, but we did not. After Morning Offering, Jim, Gary and I tried to ascertain the road conditions to our west, but had no luck. Things seemed calm enough, but all we could ascertain were temperatures.

I had a conference with Pam on bookkeeping work to be done while we are gone and then packed while Jim moved like the outside wind, securing details, seeing to last minute things and bailing me out when I hit the emotional skids as a floor lamp of considerable weight fell across my bent head as I tried to unplug the small printer. Hugs are wonderful things! The long lump which the lamp left stung all day but I believe my hard head escaped any real damage, except to my emotional equilibrium.

We bade a sad good-bye to our kitties after all was done to pack and ready for the trip and hit the road a bit after 11 AM. Fifty miles short of St. Louis, we drove past an incredible and memorable sight, one I will probably never see again. The area had been pounded by massive “thunder-sleet” storms and the glare ice must have lain thickly indeed on the tree limbs, for although the sun was shining brightly in a clear blue sky and we could see green grass at the roadside, every tiny detail of every tree and bush and even in spots the grass blades was limned in sparkling ice. The effect was eerie.

West of St. Louis, the ice on the trees had melted but we saw more and more snow. However we were driving easily until we left I-64W for I-70W at Wentzville, Missouri. That road had not been cleared and suddenly we were in trouble. It took us six hours to drive the remaining 80 miles to our destination in Columbia, Missouri. For over two hours, our forward progress was less than three miles. We were stopped by six accidents altogether; six times of stopping entirely. As we came to within three miles of the hotel, we were stopped for over an hour by a semi which had managed to array itself across an exit and the expressway as well when it skidded. There was something about being so close to our destination and yet so stuck that was especially unnerving.

A word about hubris – unreasoning arrogance and pride. We would see cars going past us, thinking they could drive faster than the icy, slushy, snowy and obviously treacherous road surface would allow. Then we would see them in the ditch on one side or another of the road, or, of course, across it, giving us saner and more patient drivers yet another chance to become one with the passing signs. I must have spent a half an hour in front of one billboard for Stone Mill Winery in Hermann, Missouri. I think I tasted that wine the advertisement’s lady was offering me! I recommend it! I became one with many beautiful objects: snow, guard rails, road signs and other marvels of our perfect and beautiful creation. And Jim and I gave thanks for Stanley Outback, whose surefooted grace got us through it all feeling cozy and warm.

One thing was of cardinal importance in terms of convenience: our massive luck in timing the trip so that I left after just having been oh-so-thoroughly cleaned out by the colonoscopy prep. I might have been uncomfortable during the hours of stop-and-slow travel, but I made it to the hotel, through all the waiting, without incident. Jim and I did have an emergency plan just in case but thank heaven we did not have to use it!

The sight of our hotel sign, at long last, was such a blessing! The power was on there – another incredible bit of luck. We cruised the parking lot for a place to park but the snow plows had not been able to clear much, as so many cars were already stranded and covered with snow before half of the 16 inches had fallen. The amount of snowfall had been grossly underestimated and many people got stranded when their cars got stuck while they were at work. We ended up parking by the hotel’s closed restaurant and no one even suggested we move the car. There was no place to move it TO, anyway.

The bliss of simple warmth and a place to relax was ineffable! We checked in, ate and went to bed, eventually, with the most heart-felt feeling of thanksgiving!

Friday, December 01, 2006


The day began for me at midnight and continued all night as the pre-colonoscopy preparation swirled through my system and out. I did not precisely sleep all night, although I dozed between bouts. The pace slowed enough towards dawn that I was able to dress, wash up and write my Camelot Journal article for yesterday.

At 5 AM, I had to do a repeat of the Gatorade-Osmoprep drinking, though only half as much liquid and a quarter of the pills were used. This truly set the tone for the day!

After Morning Offering, I did just a small bit of L/L Research business, letting Bill and Jean-Claude, who are behind the matching funds offer, know that we are off to a good start on donations. I also sent the transcript of our November 12th L/L Sunday channeling session to Jean-Claude. The ideas behind his proposed web site are sound and reaching back into the truth beyond temporal and worldly truth, yet reaching into the everyday to invite all seekers to join in virtual community. These themes are sounded in the channeling, which predated his telephone call by a couple of weeks, and I knew he would find it interesting.

Then, while Jim dropped off some equipment to be maintained while we are in Nebraska, I put together the documents needed for the hospital test: my prescriptions list, a copy of my living will and durable power of attorney and the directions for getting to the hospital, which is in a downtown warren of small streets which have been altered and in some cases changed completely to create the gargantuan Louisville medical campus, which includes several huge hospitals and numerous specialized medical centers.

We spent the day there, Jim and I – Jim reading the newspaper stem to stern and then dipping into the book, Overthrow, while I had my colonoscopy. As these things go, it went quite well. Nothing was ruptured and the doctor felt that the results were pretty normal. Since I have had sustained GI-tract trouble, however, he took biopsies at various places within the colon, and will look at the microscopic picture before my follow-up appointment.

I had been put to sleep for the procedure, and I remained either sleepy or completely asleep for the remainder of the day. We had a delicious supper, brought in from Applebee’s and offered the Gaia Meditation with Gary. I snoozed throughout the evening. Bedtime at 11 was a mere formality!