2007-06-05

Yesterday was tough for me emotionally. Dealing with interstitial cystitis plus the flared-up nerve pain in my back, shoulder and right arm, I have experienced a challenging amount of discomfort recently and only gradually, in the last couple of days, have I been able to see some small improvement, largely due to the new icing protocol, where twice daily Jim rubs my back all over for two minutes with ice, until I am quite numb. That’s a very promising technique for reducing the nerve pain to a more manageable level.

However I still have a very painful time holding hands, which I need to do in order to offer a channeling session. The physical contact keeps me firmly in my physical body while I channel, a priority for my safety. I have already had to postpone one personal channeling session that was to have taken place yesterday. I got Gary to reschedule with Mike T for a month from now. Hopefully by then I shall have recovered enough to do that work more easily again.

What got me going was an invitation from Harry Pickens, a local jazz musician possessed of deft musical skill and a wonderfully active conscience, to sing for him at a benefit for refugees. It is his own original music and he offered me a solo in addition to being part of the chorus. I love to do such things and have done plenty of volunteer singing at such concerts throughout my life. Right now, however, it is out of the question. I knew that and I resented it. Suddenly the accumulated frustration and pain of the last year or so - two broken bones, two sprains, innumerable other small discomforts and the IC and nerve pain - got to me and I felt as though I would explode.

I apologized to Mick and went out to the back-yard meditation hut where I could be alone and not worry Mick. I had a good cry and then talked with Holly. When you ask for the Holy Spirit, she’s right there. It's a wonderful thing! She asked me to explain my dilemma, which I did at some length. Then she said, “Do you want to be of service?” I said, “Of course! This singing would be of great service.” She repeated, “Do you really want to be of service?” Again, I said, "Yes."

She persisted, gently, saying, “Do you want to be of the most service you can be?” and immediately I saw her point. I am already writing a book, which only I can do, as that is the nature of the creative process. Someone else could take my outline and cover the subjects, but it would not be the same. Further, the editing work I am doing is very delicate and something only I can do, whereas singing with Harry is something lots of people can and will do.

I got it! I felt so thankful to see the situation more clearly. My inner storm gradually passed and I felt very peaceful and resonant. It came to me that this may be the first time in my life where I have exercised wisdom as well as love in making an ethical choice.

I was happy when I came back indoors to the kitchen, where Jim and Gary were planning next week’s menu. Jim looked at me in surprise, as he knew how upset I had been when we had talked about the singing and he had seen me flounce out the back door in an emotional tangle. I grinned and told him I’d had a talk with Holly. He understood completely!

As for the work of the day, after Morning Offering I spent all my morning and some of my afternoon hours writing the sixth Dana Redfield article for UPI. Most of the rest of my working day was dedicated to finishing getting my quotes in order for consideration and then to making a beginning on the writing of Chapter 6, on the yellow-ray chakra. The organization looks good and the writing feels good so far!

At the end of the working day, as Jim was late getting home, I was able to tie up some loose ends in the office. I wrote Gary asking him to delete an incorrectly placed entry in the Avalon Journal. I’d mistakenly posted my daily Camelot Journal entry there yesterday. I got the text deleted but could not find a way to delete the title. Gary cleaned that up easily and showed me the secret click to make if that happens again. Knowledge is power!

I wrote to thank a friend of Dana’s, Mary Alice, for writing down dreams she has had about Dana. I asked her to make this content into a commentary article for the on-line commentary section of Alphabet Mosaics. I think it will make a good article.

I collected a nice recipe for Italian Chicken Salad and sent it to Gary for inclusion in our recipes database. I ordered more mailing labels for L/L Research book send-outs, as our supply runneth low. And I cleared the desk again, marveling at how very many good things are being offered me right now.

I was especially sad to have to turn down a soiree for Women For Steve Beshear, who is a candidate in Kentucky's gubernatorial election this year. Beshear has been a voice of reason in a political landscape cluttered with scandal and hypocrisy, for which Kentucky is known, sadly.

I also got a note from the Recording Studio, where I volunteered in the ‘80s. They are desperate for volunteers, and I always enjoy reading for them.

But now is not the time for any of that and now I know that. I thanked Holly again, mentally, for her insight and grinned at myself for being such a Tigger and wanting to do everything! My only excuse is that it is all so much fun!

I had found some folded-up sheets of folio-sized drawing paper at the bottom of one of Dana’s boxes of her materials which she had sent me before she died, and, opening them out, discovered that they were covered in tiny printing with her work on her version of Gematria. The left-hand edge of each page was corrupted, especially on the first sheet, through the many times of her working with them, so I asked Gary to mend the left borders of the pages and then to take them to Kinko’s for copying. Elihu E had asked me about this Gematria work and her symbols, so I’ll ship a copy of the pages to Eli for his scholarly perusal. I also asked him to do an article on the Gematria after he’s deduced what all her symbols mean.

Jim and I were both near exhaustion from our day’s work so we bathed after he returned home and then talked about Harry's invitation to sing, which ultimately created in me the storm that sent me bolting outdoors to talk with Holly. Mick came downstairs and worked on various chores with Gary until I came back indoors at 8 PM or so.

Mick and I dined with Gary while Edwards and Colbert entertained us with their political wit and savvy. We then had the Gaia Meditation, with Gary offering the closing prayer. After a pleasant conversation, we all said good night, Gary heading downward and Jim and I heading upstairs. We called it a night around 11 PM.